Rebstock Design

Happy New Year! Care for Some Identity Refreshment?

January 17, 2009 – 3:11 pm

Hello and a Happy New Year to all.

As I contemplate the new year, and what it means—a fresh start, a new perspective, a blessed end to the turmoil of 2008 and a glimpse into the unknown that is 2009—I’m struck by the need we all have to get to know ourselves again. In contrast to the festive and often frenetic holiday season, the final months of winter are traditionally a time of nesting, of quiet contemplation, of rolling up sleeves and getting back to work—at our jobs or in the home. Of clearing out the excess of the holidays and rediscovering who we are and what we live with the rest of the year.

Holiday decorations have always been pretty traditional: tree, tinsel, ornaments, various garlands and boughs, dreidels and menorahs, and now, for some, the aluminum Festivus pole. But during the past few years, I’ve noticed a new trend. While the ornaments I grew up with consisted of glass bells, sugar plum fairies, pine cones, and beribboned balls with beads, it’s now pretty easy to find ornaments that represent very specific interests. Just this year alone, I saw electric guitar ornaments, pizza slice ornaments, soccer and basketball ornaments, camera ornaments, orchid ornaments, coffee cup ornaments, Buddha ornaments, and more. I’m sure you saw a few of these, too, and maybe remarked about how much fun they are. They’re charming, and a good way to personalize your tree and share your interests with your family and holiday guests.

But what about the rest of your home, the rest of the year? What can your family and friends learn about you when they enter and settle into your space? And more importantly, how well does your space reinforce for you the person you are and everything makes you wonderfully unique? Are you uplifted returning home after a hard day’s work? Does your home welcome you with symbols of yourself? Is it your sanctuary? It should be, and it can be.

As my mother would say, “it takes all kinds to make a world”. Everyone is different, and what works for one person doesn’t always work for another, and the shelter magazines have their own agendas. But there are ways for each of us to personalize our spaces, to make them friendly and welcoming to ourselves and others. You may put on a “uniform” of some sort to go to work each day, answer to others who have higher authority, play by others’ rules for 60 hours a week, but your home should answer to you, and reflect back to you the person you have become and the person you want to be. I call this concept “Identity Refreshment”*.

Ideally, from its site to its structure to its floor plan, to the layout of its furniture and the color of its walls, and everything else large and small that fills the space, your home or room should represent who you are. You as an individual, or your entire family—whoever lives there and their current interests, their past experiences, their dreams and hopes for the future. I say “ideally,” because few of us are lucky enough to build a custom home from scratch. Most of us occupy an existing building in a community that’s near our work, a single-family suburban home or a city condo or apartment. But each of us has a space, a choice of furnishings, a favorite color, a hobby. Each of us has a personality. A past, a present, and a future. And for optimum comfort and enjoyment, our homes must reflect that.

By no means am I saying that you should fill your home with the china and knicknacks you inherited from you great aunt. Unless you love them. Nor should you carry your college dorm room posters from school to your first condo to your single family home in the suburbs. Unless they still define your interests. We’re all different people at different times in our lives, and the key to designing a home beyond basic functionality is to strike a balance between the best parts of the person you were, the person you are now, and the person you hope to be. If you thrive amid clutter, great! Keep a few of dad’s football trophies on the shelf, or hang mom’s watercolors on the wall. Stack your travel magazines and foreign language phrase books next to your bed. But if you’re happiest and most comfortable in a very spare, serene environment, that’s how your home should be. You might choose a streamlined leather sofa, a wall-mount television, a rack for your bicycle, a large format abstract painting and be done with it. And that will make you happy. Or maybe at this stage of your life you need to work long hours to develop your career. Your home should be efficient, impersonal, and easy to maintain, with very few items that encourage you to sit back and get comfortable. Maybe it’s your office space that you need to personalize in order to enjoy your workplace as your home—for now.

In short, we shouldn’t struggle with our home environments. They should serve and support us, physically and emotionally, evolving along with us on our journey through life.

Here’s an example of the kind of synergy you can achieve with your home. One of my very good friends, Kira, is what you might call “bookish”. She’s a professional writer who also volunteers for an online literary magazine. She speaks impeccable English and pretty good French. She lives in a 900-square-foot San Francisco apartment with her two cats and a vast collection of curiosities, and (literally) thousands of books. It’s important to Kira to be able to get her hands on her books, so she chose an older apartment with a lot of built-in shelves. And for the rooms that lacked shelving, she had several book cases custom made. When she returns home or someone visits, the books send a message about who she is. But lest you assume Kira is a stay-at-home tea sipper, get this: she is also a master SCUBA diver who takes frequent diving trips all over the world. She’s an accomplished underwater photographer, and she’s taken the time to have her striking and very colorful sea life images printed and framed. They hang on the wall for her to enjoy and for her friends to get a glimpse of her other, underwater world. Kira is an animal lover and a naturalist, with collections of shells and pressed flowers, and other treasures. She’s also an accomplished cook with a valuable collection of antique egg beaters hanging by hooks in her kitchen. That’s Kira. That’s Kira’s home. They’re practically one and the same.

A lot of this might seem like common sense, and it is, to be sure. But from what I’ve seen, a lot of people, without even realizing it, settle for environments that work against them. They’re happiest in a streamlined, efficient environment, but they’re hanging on to old family heirlooms that bog them down. Or they live like nomads, with very few possessions, always planning to travel the world, or pick up and move to some exotic destination, but they can’t fully enjoy themselves in the space they’re in now. And that causes conflict between the dweller and the space—leading, ultimately, to an inauthentic existence.

So… what can you do to create the kind of space that refreshes your identity? During this quiet, contemplative season, take some time to think about who you’ve been and the most important people and experiences in your past. Who and what have shaped you into the person you are today? What are you “into” currently? Will it pass? Doesn’t matter. That’s who you are. Right now. And finally, who do you want to be? What are your dreams and goals, and how can you use your space to reinforce them and help you get there? What comforts you? Keep it, display it. What stresses you? Chuck it. Think about your five senses and include visual, aural, and tactile elements in your decor. Mom had a beautiful rose garden? Buy a bouquet and let its fragrance waft throughout the room, reminding you of her.

If you find that you need some help on your journey, find a designer with whom you have a good rapport, someone who will take the time to get to know you and help bring out your personality in your home. Someone who can solve problems, add some interest, edit judiciously, and be perfectly honest with you. Enjoy your identity refreshment! Aaaah!

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*For this concept I am greatly indebted to author and hotelier Chip Conley and his fine book Peak: How Great Companies Get Their Mojo from Maslow. Conley discusses identity refreshment in the context of his company’s uniquely branded boutique hotels. His company helps potential guests choose which of its hotels to stay in based on who they want to be when they travel. Recommended reading.